There must be an angel with a smile on her face

what the mother!

2009-11-22T08:25:00.000-08:00

TRUE???

OMFGG. MAJOR RANT!

YOUR-A-ONE-A-HOLE-BITCH-WITH-SOME-SERIOUS-ATTITUDANAL-PROBLEM!!!

What the hell is wrong with you? Oh yeah, so called best friend eh? But you utterly betrayed, humiliated and exposed her. You said you were cool with eveything she did, but deep down you weren't. So why didn't you say anything at the very beginning? You know your just a fuckin' hypocryte, like any other lifeless skank. You have the nerves to write all your bullcrap out on a piece of paper, type it all out and let the whole world know and gives out hints to people who's not suppose to know, and yet you dont have the guts to say it right in her face? Beacuse you know why? That'll just solve eveything, rather than hurting her behind her back or when she find's out your shit. We all thought that you were the one who's gonna stand up for her no matter what, cause your a 'friend', but turns out to be that your a terrible person, who would just leave someone hanging there, helpless. That's a big dissapointment, just so you know. You know you could've just said you weren't cool with what's going on, but what ticked me off the most was how you reacted. Before you start pointing fingers, did you ever come to a stop and think about what you had done wrong in the first place? No,I doubt so. I must say, your punishment was self inflicted, so stop tossing the blame onto her shoulders because she's tired of carrying the burden as well as a bad name. I held a heavy heart for so many days. Why? Because I felt disgusted, I just realised people like you still exist!
AND OMG! I CANNOT BELIEVE WHAT YOU SAID TO HER! You told her to dump someone that she's madly in love with and for they're together for almost 2 years. I cannot believe my own ears and seriously, that's way off the hook. If it wasn't for her, i would've gave you a real slap, to wake you up from your total bitchy-ness. And you said real friends would advice each other what's right and what's wrong. Are you sure? Because that's not what i see, or anyone else. If ignoring and insulting and calling people stupid is your definition of "REAL FRIENDS', then you should be knocked down by a car and be sent to hell. Cause it's useless for a trash like you to live, it stresses everyone's life! YES! Of course we all have different thinkings than yours! Cause you a freakin' hoe bag with negative thinkings which do not help at all yo! Oh and one thing, please, im telling you, don't cross that line, cause im sure you know there's a limit and her fingers will be pointing right back at you in no time. You hurt her, I break you. Wait, not only me, in fact a lot of other people too.
Honey, you've picked the wrong people to mess with. You started it, then your gonna end it. Or else we'll keep playing. And remember, we're better at it than you. You can't run. So, shut your gossiping filthy mouths, kick the attitude or leave it to someone who cares like your pet fish.

GODD IM PISSED!

But then im feeling so much better now! (: Because someone drew me this :

HAHAHA! I LOVE THIS DRAWINGG! IT'S ADORABLEE! :DD

i hope you mean it

2009-11-17T07:17:00.000-08:00

This drawing you drew puts up a big smile on my face eveytime when i look at it.
And i hope you mean it...

Because you are that sweet to draw me this cutest pig ever to cheer me up!

Thank you and i appreciate every little thing you do
(:

Would you swear that you'll always be mine?
Would you lie would you run away
Am I in to deep?
Have I lost my mind?

I think i've fallen even deeper...

Don't cross that line

2009-11-16T00:30:00.000-08:00

): That emotion explains everything.

I don't have a fucking clue what's happening. Something deep down inside me tells me it has to do with this other person. It was as though I stayed in the sweetest dream till it morphed into a haunting nightmare. You put me through unimaginable hell. I felt shattered. I've never gave up on any of my hopes, cause in my perfectly unarmed visions, I know i can work things out as always. But this time, i have my doubts. I have no idea why. I feel upset and depressed and it seems like my planned dreams had been crushed into lets say, dust and debris. And as though a strong wind came, everything just disappeared with it. I was completely lost today and I held a heavy heart for the remaining day, trying to connect the dots as well as piecing myself together. I wasn't able to shut down last night, my mind's working on something that i need to know but i don't have the answers to it. It's like I'm in need of great help, but god's not answering to my prayers. Just 2 hours of rest, and I'm up for the rest of the day. I'm feeling dead. I think I'm in need of vodka just to put me to bed peacefully, leaving all my worries and assumptions behind.

BECAUSE IT JUST SEEMS LIKE YOUR FEELING GUILTY. AND I DON'T LIKE THAT FEELING. AND DON'T LIE TO ME, CAUSE TRUST ME, I'LL FIND OUT AND YOU'LL BE MISERABLE. IT RUNS IN THE GENES, YOU'LL BE SURPRISED.

Just like kids staring at a map, completely clueless about the right path

oh, i hope...

im loosing it

2009-11-15T07:06:00.000-08:00

Bloody hell, all this stress is giving me serious migraines. What a way to tarnish my mood. Tons of thoughts are orbiting continuously in my mind, again. I just don't understand what's wrong ):

~~In times of fractured moments and vulnerability~~.. Oh scratch that. There's the will to just entwine my fingers with yours,or slowly trace the lines on your palm.
To stoke your hair, lightly brush the side of your cheek, to hold on and not let go. Basically,the list could go on.But it's devastating, knowing there's a slim chance I'll be able to express all this, so devastating it hurts. Showing a shining personality was the hardest when on the inside, everything seemed a blur.
Thankfully, I wasn't the type who held onto bitterness or cried myself to sleep every night cause the pain was unbearable. I strongly refused to be categorized under such standards.

I just wish I could smile, despite having all the negative crap going through my mind.

Unfortunately, negativity is always more dominant in me recently which is something i don't really do.

I need immediate oxygen supply!

You're holding something deep inside from me. Your emotions are clear and I know them well despite the distance. Do tell me all that's going on, I want to understand. For silence will not solve anything.

Wishing i could leave all my worries behind

2009-11-09T00:16:00.000-08:00

"Don't assume.When you do, it just makes an ass out of you and me.Why?Because that's just how you spell it,ass-u-me.-Ellen Degenerous

Yes, I have been assuming a lot of events lately. I have so much on my mind right now. One thing about me: I tend to over analyze, a lot. ): My brain just can't seem to focus on one particular matter then move on. Things are just revolving around the core which is seriously confusing. I haven't a clue what the fuck i'm suppose to do! I'm barely able to concentrate. And I've come to realize, when I'm facing such situations, my attention span is as long as 3 minutes or so. Just perfect! I swear, all this complete concentration and stuffing endless information in my brain could be the death of me. Literally!! I'm mentally exhausted and dead beat from the prolonged thinking and worrying, Yet, I wasn't able to just shut down for a half an hour nap. Not even music could soothe me this time.

I think I have to come up with better ideas for stress relief. Possibly through interpretative dance? Dancing calms me down, other than music. Okay, calm down Solvanna. This isn't the end of the world and remember, never count the chickens before they freaking hatch! Oh get a grip.

Boy, you really did pull off the trigger out of me this time. I just want you to know, you have swept me off the floor and i'll be waiting. So all i've got to say to you is...

Beauty in the Breakdown

2009-11-08T08:35:00.001-08:00

I AM BEYOND FUSTRATED ):

I'm worn out and tired of all the remarks. I'm in deep remorse and afraid of what shall come my way. S:
Call me hopelessly pathetic for all I care, try being in my shoes where expectations befall upon you. Do you know how much it hurts to put your all into something and obtain unacceptably awful outcome? I have no one but to blame myself. I cannot bear to see myself go through such a thing as it's affecting those I love as well. They constantly worry about my sudden behaviour but I just don't know how to explain what I'm going through. The will to prove others wrong is strongly taking over my other emotions, but I need to figure out how to control it in a better manner.
Words are just flowing like salt water into a deeply gashed wound which obviously isn't helping me with the situation. Drastic measurements,that's my only chance.
And with that I shall end this,leaving you with something to ponder about.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

A special day.

2009-11-07T22:31:00.000-08:00

Happy 17th Birthday!

06.11

To my dear friend, Ema Kader

Hey, i just want to say...

In my state of frustration, depression and disappointment. You were able to put up with it all. Without forgetting your effort to advice and guide me through, I never really did thank you.
You managed to brighten up even the gloomiest of days. Despite how terrible the situation, your very company solved half of it already.
You may not be aware of this but your simplest acts of help mean more than you'll ever know. A thought from the heart, forever remembered in mine.
Never once did you lead me into darkness, nor abandoned me when I felt lost. And for this I feel ever so blessed, to have a friend like you.
You lent a hearing ear whenever I needed one. Extended helping hands as well. I know sometimes my actions and mood may puzzle you, so here's my sorry for making you go through them.
And I'm taking this time to tell you that I appreciate everything you've ever done for me. I may not express it but you'll know it deep down, I'll always be around to help you up when you fall, just as how you've done for me. I understand that these are just mere words, but I do hope you know I mean it all.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder...

2009-11-07T03:48:00.000-08:00

And that disconnected feeling lingers on, I blame the separation. I really do.

It's hard to constantly deal with the thought in my head. The doubts, the assumptions, the emotions. Despite this, I'm making an effort to kick the pessimistic attitude and trust your promises with my all as I know my reaction to the distance worries you and myself. I'm aware of that. We'll go through the expected ups and downs, I can predict.
But I know, everything's going to be alright, i hope.
Cause I've learned, though miles may lie between us, we're never far apart, for love doesn't count the miles, it's measured by the heart.

"Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more."

): ):

Its been a while...

2009-11-07T02:44:00.000-08:00

Spent some time over at Parkson with Nicky today. It has truly been a while, I suppose. And the reason lies in the never ending piling homework and weekly revision tests. The building looks awful by the way. Technically, i don't really shop in Miri because there's nothing to buy, but today seems different! It feels like I NEED TO SHOP CAUSE ITS BEEN AGES SINCE I LET MY SHOPOHOLIC INSTINCT OUT. And GOD SOLVANNA! you really need to control that temptation of spending! *shakes head in dismay* I mean, I could blew off all the money in my purse in that one visit, but luckily today, i didnt. But still i spent quite a bit. *shows innocent face* We crashed starbucks first to get Nic's hot chocolate then a restaurant called Cook and Chilli. Damn, the chicken porridge is GOOOOOOD. *drooools*

R E M I X ♥ - I LOVE THAT SHOP ♥♥♥
I spent a lot in that shop! Then again, treating myself to retail therapy once in a few months is understandable right? And and and guess what!! I BOUGHT MY FIRST SKINNY JEANS! I was never a big fan of them or any typical jeans. I only have one pair of jeans. In short, i HATE long pants, I only wear shorts cause they're awesome!! So im shorts all the way!! HAHAHA.
Bought a sexy scarf! Its checkered and red and black in colour. Loving it endlessly!
Oh and, i bought nail polish! Baby Pink, Baby Purple, Metallic Blue, Yellow, Lime Green, White, Shiny Transparent and Transparent. :DDDD
Its time to flick some paint on the nails yo!

I NEED ANOTHER RETAIL THERAPY! Or a beach walk! Something relaxing perhaps! (:

Its never easy to understand

2009-11-06T05:33:00.001-08:00

I can no longer tolerate with bottling my feelings up, shoving them in deep dark corners. It's been 2 months. No matter how much I try, they just seem to lurk from the corners, taking me off guard. I sense the urge to talk about my emotions, but deep down inside, I'm truly afraid of what they'd see of me. I'm tired of carrying a heavy heart and thinking about outcomes between us. I'm certain that judgement will not be shown but why am I still so reluctant to think about if this is true or is it just a game? For the time being,I've came to a decision that everything will remain unchanged and whatever happens, happens.I shall continue to hope for the best of choices to fall upon me.

Tell me why you're so hard to forget. Don't remind me, I'm not over it. Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth. And I really don't know what to do. I'm just a little too not over you.-David Archuleta

): ):

international day ♥

2009-11-06T04:20:00.000-08:00

Exhausted to the very bone. Drowsiness filled my entire system today, and i bet it wasn't just me but everyone who sleptover over at Siew's and people who were chatting online.(you know who you are) And perfect timing, we have school the next day and its international day therefore we have to dress up in different cultural clothes representing your nationality. Had only an hour of sleep, and it wasnt a beauty at all.
To sum up my day today in one word, HORRENDOUS! Because why? I remember clearly that I stated that the weather was going to be HOT and definitelyr, without a doubt, im getting tanner and tanner! The whole school is expected to gather in the gym and the truth is, it aint pretty. It was crowded i was literally gasping for air! Worst part is, we are more than welcomed to be seated on the floor, how nice, and we're all dressed up which you have no idea how hard it is to be seated comfortably in those outfits! We all had ass cramps after that and its so bloody annoying cause i hate the feeling of sticky and sweaty especially on my tighs! But what can i do, i'll just have to bear with it right? Hours ticked by slowly as we all watched the clock and waited for the glorious sound of the school bell. A clear sign of going back home for a good rest. (:
now, let the pictures do the talking ;) btw, i LOVE everyone's outfit! they're gorgeous! ♥ ♥

Because you got me thinking...

2009-11-04T02:39:00.000-08:00

14th September 2009,will be a significant date to me, always.
I went against my boundaries, my rules.I absent-mindedly followed the pathway of love into something oh so beautiful when undisturbed and at total peace. You were the one who built me up that night, when i was so caught up with my last relationship, so please, please dont tear it down. Honestly,every day is just a constant longing and anticipation just to have a glimpse of you, but it hurts knowing there are miles separating us in between. But hey,I'm gonna be patient with all this. And I shall be waiting for that day,when I'll just take in your presence and embrace my adoration to you. Because,truth be told,I'm not ready for you to go.