im loosing it

Bloody hell, all this stress is giving me serious migraines. What a way to tarnish my mood. Tons of thoughts are orbiting continuously in my mind, again. I just don't understand what's wrong ):

In times of fractured moments and vulnerability.. Oh scratch that. There's the will to just entwine my fingers with yours,or slowly trace the lines on your palm.
To stoke your hair, lightly brush the side of your cheek, to hold on and not let go. Basically,the list could go on.But it's devastating, knowing there's a slim chance I'll be able to express all this, so devastating it hurts. Showing a shining personality was the hardest when on the inside, everything seemed a blur.
Thankfully, I wasn't the type who held onto bitterness or cried myself to sleep every night cause the pain was unbearable. I strongly refused to be categorized under such standards.

I just wish I could smile, despite having all the negative crap going through my mind.

Unfortunately, negativity is always more dominant in me recently which is something i don't really do.

I need immediate oxygen supply!

You're holding something deep inside from me. Your emotions are clear and I know them well despite the distance. Do tell me all that's going on, I want to understand. For silence will not solve anything.